I'm going to go ahead and use the following excuses for my lax blogging. Choose whichever suits your fancy at the current moment:
1. It's the holidays and I have 45,765 cards to write out and 212 people to shop for and buy inane gifts.
2. My kid is sick.
3. Work is busy.
4. I just couldn't find the words.
5. An alligator ate my ring finger.
My choice is a combination of all of the above. Except the alligator one.
Maggie had a wicked cold last week, one that kept every single person in our household up and miserable. Screeching, crying, flailing, all from being incredibly tired and incredibly congested. After she FINALLY slept on Thursday night, I wanted to engage in a clandestine sexual affair with the cool mist humidifier, for giving me back what I so needed - more than 4 consecutive hours of shut eye.
Society may judge, but that humidifier gave me the penultimate gift that any mom wants.
Anyways. Holidays, cards, shopping, blah blah blah, you've heard it all before. Those excuses apply too. Still be my friend?
And. Speaking of friends. Here's a good segway into what I want to discuss next. Which is mostly non autism related and wholeheartedly "growing up" related.
No, we're not talking menstruation.
I'm lucky enough to have some really slamming, awesome friends in my life. Ones who pick me up when I stumble and hold hope for me when it slips through my fingers. Ones who drink wine with me, eat copious amounts of buffalo wings with me, ones who make me laugh and make me good cry.
Then there are others. Which, logically, if they fall into the "other" category, I suppose they aren't truly friends, but therein lies the meat of this entry.
I want to break up with some of my friends.
It's the general malaise, we aren't on the same page anymore, yada yada. Some aren't married, some are, some are without kids, whatever. Some, most, despite being in different "time zones", so to speak, are still connected enough with me. Those are great friends.
Others aren't. Others are people who I used to be friends with, that occupy such a huge chunk of my memories, that I feel indebted to NOT break up with. To keep trying to force a friendship that isn't there, nor is healthy.
I'm no saint, and I know that I'm not always Friend of the Year 2011. Or 2010. Or 2009...you get the point. But I do try to give the majority of myself to being that good friend when someone is in need. I play devil's advocate only when it is extremely necessary; most times my M.O. is to just be there and listen and offer myself without an opinion, unless it is asked of me. Maybe this isn't the way to be a true friend, but it's the way I am. I see no reason to give unsolicited advice.
But what do you do when you've chased someone and they just don't want to be caught? What do you do when they make you feel like you did something wrong (maybe for being too into autism advocacy? Unconfirmed reason, but strong suspicions) but passive aggressively don't ever speak of it?
When it's a lover, you break things off with them. You listen to sad songs for awhile, wallow in some Ben and Jerrys, maybe hit a rebound, and move on.
Unfortunately, women can't really break up with fellow girl friends. At least from what I have noticed.
I had a great college experience, with lots of fabulous memories. But the times have changed, and I have grown into a different direction. And I don't think certain friends have grown in that same direction, or even in the same quadrant. And it's getting to the point where it hurts to try to remain in that quadrant. I want to break it off, I want to be just as passive aggressive as they are, and do the Very Mature Thing of defriending them (or even just blocking statuses) on Facebook. But this isn't middle school, and I know I am better then that.
At the same time, do the benefits of finding out The True Story outweigh the aggravation and emotional toll it will take to get there? If I truly wanted to find out why they dropped me, I probably could...but is that answer worth the trouble of finding it out? And half the time, it's my experience with human nature that most people don't exactly realize how they feel about a person - friendship, romantic relationship, etc., consciously. We are a subconscious, unintuitive, population. For the most part.
I know I'm not making much sense. The Others I speak of don't even know I have a blog, so rest assured I'm not giving a passive aggression thing here by writing about them. This entire situation would be more coherent if I spent the time to type out the entire backstory, speckled with details. But at the same time it's not necessary. I'm not looking for analysis of my specific situation, because I'm pretty sure I just need to Move On and Grow Up. Capital letters, underlined, italicizes.
It just sucks because these people occupy so much of my good college memories...I want them back. Not The Others, though. That ship has sailed and, logically, someone who is so disposable with my friendship isn't someone I am ready to give a second chance to. What I want back are my memories. I want the gray clouds that surround my current relations with The Others to stop tainting my good memories.
Is it worth the confrontation? Breaking it off, breaking up, saying to someone, "we've grown into other directions. I need to know if you attribute this solely to my doing, so I can defend myself - to you and to myself. Because I did Try." With a capital t.
I avoid confrontation like the plague. Shudder.
And then again, maybe it's done and gone.
Maybe it's time to focus on what I do have and not what -or who- I don't.
Because I have a lot. I have those who have weathered this current journey with me and proven they are in for the long haul. Those who I hold so close...so special...I'm really so lucky.
And guess what?
There were those words. I found them. And I found peace.
At least, for tonight.
Thursday, December 15, 2011
Friday, December 2, 2011
Today? Not one of those days.
There are some days, most days, where I can coexist with autism. Where I'm fine, even happy (well...cognizant) with the blessings it has brought.
Then there are other days.
I worked late last night and did a big favor for a friend that caused me not to get home till late. Then add on all the groceries I had to unpack and redistribute (Costco is great, portioning out meat notsomuch), lunches to be made, etc., and bedtime wasn't until 12:30am. Then Maggie woke up at 7am crying.
Every single night before I go to sleep, I crack the door open to her room and check to make sure she's all snuggled up and asleep. Since I was ass dragging up the stairs last night, I didn't check at 12:30am.
This morning she woke up crying at 7am. I walked into her room to see her curled up. ON THE FLOOR.
My baby slept on the floor last night. And I could have fixed that if I wasn't too damn lazy.
Needless to say, I feel like a shit.
And of course since she got the crappiest night's sleep ever, she was just the epitome of crank today. Shrieking, flailing, kicking, pinching, hitting, everything was a fight. Diaper change - a fight. Getting dressed - a fight. Eating breakfast - a fight. Breathing - a fight.
I was so tired to begin with and then I had, literally, 2 straight hours of shrieking to deal with. So around hour 1.5, I decided we were "ready" enough as ever to just leave the house, and go drive for a little bit before hitting the bus stop, trying to avoid the scene that would inevitably come, standing in the cold with my child throwing a fit.
Of course I got stuck in traffic (ON BACK ROADS) during the drive. Of course I pulled up right behind my bus as it stopped (or rather, paused momentarily) to get Maggie before driving off. Of course I flailed MY arms, trying to get the bus to stop before it pulled away WITHOUT MY KID.
Of course I hauled ass and tracked down that bus at the next bus stop and became the crazy mom who runs out into traffic waving her arms at the bus driver. Yep. I'm THAT kind of crazy.
Thankfully, the bus driver knows me and took Maggie. If she wouldn't have, it would have continued the horrific streak this morning was on, making me late for work, making me miss a storytime (that I had absolutely nothing prepared for already, way to go Carrie) and not having time to eat anything (because eating breakfast was so not happening when your kid shrieks like the exorcist everytime you try to put something in your mouth).
Sweet Jesus, autism, I hate you.
Then there are other days.
I worked late last night and did a big favor for a friend that caused me not to get home till late. Then add on all the groceries I had to unpack and redistribute (Costco is great, portioning out meat notsomuch), lunches to be made, etc., and bedtime wasn't until 12:30am. Then Maggie woke up at 7am crying.
Every single night before I go to sleep, I crack the door open to her room and check to make sure she's all snuggled up and asleep. Since I was ass dragging up the stairs last night, I didn't check at 12:30am.
This morning she woke up crying at 7am. I walked into her room to see her curled up. ON THE FLOOR.
My baby slept on the floor last night. And I could have fixed that if I wasn't too damn lazy.
Needless to say, I feel like a shit.
And of course since she got the crappiest night's sleep ever, she was just the epitome of crank today. Shrieking, flailing, kicking, pinching, hitting, everything was a fight. Diaper change - a fight. Getting dressed - a fight. Eating breakfast - a fight. Breathing - a fight.
I was so tired to begin with and then I had, literally, 2 straight hours of shrieking to deal with. So around hour 1.5, I decided we were "ready" enough as ever to just leave the house, and go drive for a little bit before hitting the bus stop, trying to avoid the scene that would inevitably come, standing in the cold with my child throwing a fit.
Of course I got stuck in traffic (ON BACK ROADS) during the drive. Of course I pulled up right behind my bus as it stopped (or rather, paused momentarily) to get Maggie before driving off. Of course I flailed MY arms, trying to get the bus to stop before it pulled away WITHOUT MY KID.
Of course I hauled ass and tracked down that bus at the next bus stop and became the crazy mom who runs out into traffic waving her arms at the bus driver. Yep. I'm THAT kind of crazy.
Thankfully, the bus driver knows me and took Maggie. If she wouldn't have, it would have continued the horrific streak this morning was on, making me late for work, making me miss a storytime (that I had absolutely nothing prepared for already, way to go Carrie) and not having time to eat anything (because eating breakfast was so not happening when your kid shrieks like the exorcist everytime you try to put something in your mouth).
Sweet Jesus, autism, I hate you.
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
There are still some good people out there.
I'm a Children's Librarian. At my job, I see the good and the bad, the great kids who love reading and the kids who use us because we have computers where they can sneak onto Facebook. It's much more common for me to see the latter, the notsogreat kids.
Just now an 8th grader came in to ask for help on a school project. She needs to find someone or something that inspires her, and write about it. So I asked her, "What sort of things are you passionate about in the world?", thinking that I would get a standard 8th grade response like, sports, movies, etc., and then I could use that to find something or someone who was an advocate for something that has to do with sports, etc.
She said to me, "I don't like the way some kids treat others, like with autism. I have kids that I grew up with that have autism, and when the other kids bully them or make fun of them, me and my friends call them out in front of the class and tell them to stop cause, like, that's not fair, just cause you have autism, you;re still like us and they're nice kids, they don't deserve that."
Ohhhh, it was all I could do to not simultaneously cry and hug that girl.
There may be bullies out there. There may be insurmountable challenges for my Maggie to overcome in a "typical" world that's not always so atypical-friendly.
But those good people out there, they exist. They are there and I can only hope one of them will find my girl. Guardian angels, I tell you. They're still out there.
Note: I told her to research Eunice Kennedy Shriver. She seemed really excited about that. I still want to chase her down and hug her.
Just now an 8th grader came in to ask for help on a school project. She needs to find someone or something that inspires her, and write about it. So I asked her, "What sort of things are you passionate about in the world?", thinking that I would get a standard 8th grade response like, sports, movies, etc., and then I could use that to find something or someone who was an advocate for something that has to do with sports, etc.
She said to me, "I don't like the way some kids treat others, like with autism. I have kids that I grew up with that have autism, and when the other kids bully them or make fun of them, me and my friends call them out in front of the class and tell them to stop cause, like, that's not fair, just cause you have autism, you;re still like us and they're nice kids, they don't deserve that."
Ohhhh, it was all I could do to not simultaneously cry and hug that girl.
There may be bullies out there. There may be insurmountable challenges for my Maggie to overcome in a "typical" world that's not always so atypical-friendly.
But those good people out there, they exist. They are there and I can only hope one of them will find my girl. Guardian angels, I tell you. They're still out there.
Note: I told her to research Eunice Kennedy Shriver. She seemed really excited about that. I still want to chase her down and hug her.
Four day weekend, a nice surprise, and Black Friday deals.
Hello, hello, hello! I hope everyone ate mounds of buttery mashed potatoes this past holiday, and gave thanks for all their blessings.
I had a quiet Tgiving. Good for me, good for us. Maggie was COMPLETELY off her schedule this past 4 day weekend - a crankapotamus. Lots of screeching. It's frustrating for us, and when I get overwhelmed by her behavior, I try to take a minute to think of it from her perspective - how scary must it be to be upset with something and have to internalize it. I probably would screech and cry a lot, too.
That being said, it was a long 4 days and I wasn't exactly sad to see her go back to school on Monday. She NEEDS that structure every day - Nick even said part of the reason he felt Florida this past Nov was such a disaster was because she didn't have anything to do. It's easy for us adults to enjoy "doing nothing", but for a kid, it's torture, and for a kid who thrives on structure, it's pretty much hell on earth. So, needless to say, I tried to plan "activities" for us to do at home (since we all were suffering from some stuffy noses) but it still doesn't compare to the structured things she does in school.
This week? We are ALL happier. School is back in session, routines are back on track. Noses are still stuffy, but we all survive.
In other news, we took Maggie to Sears to get Christmas portraits done earlier this week. I was having intense anxiety about this, going so far as to google, "intravenous alcohol therapy" (fyi, there's nothing out there on this subject. YET). We had gotten professional pics taken of all of us earlier in the fall, which came out fabulouso - it's much easier to do action shots with a rapid shutter than to do a "sit here and tip your head 27 degrees to the left. These were more of a...well...I can't say much more as to why we did it but regardless...
They. Went. WELL.
Not perfect - there are some shots where she has that vacant autism stare into space look, but we got more than 1 decent shot. Without much aggravation, if any. I can't even begin to tell you how relieved I was. I pulled out all the stops in my mama arsenal I brought snacks. Lots of snacks. Sugary snacks that I know she will eat (health be damned for the next 2 hours). I changed her when we got to the mall, just in case. And, most of all, I have to thank the Ipod Touch and the Ipad.
God Bless the Ipad.
Maggie LOVES playing Tozzle on either the ipod or the ipad. It calms her, it makes her happy - I've noticed when she is frazzled or overstimulated, giving her this to play kind of brings her back into her equilibrium zone. She focuses only on the ipad, tunes everything else out, and in 15 or so minutes, she is a much happier, calmer kid. I don't like to let her play endlessly with either item - I'm afraid of her becoming a computer zombie, frankly, but in small doses, this is just the ticket.
She was able to play in the waiting area as long as she wanted (while eating these gross sugary strawberry jam cookies. Hey, she was happy). Then, when we got into the photo room and she was in position, I put Yo Gabba Gabba on, cued up in advance to this certain part that I KNOW she will crack up at, and held it directly above the camera. Thankfully, it worked and we got some great smiley shots. Not at all perfect - Vanity Fair won't be knocking down our door, this year, at least, but it was infinitely less painful then expected. No alcohol was necessary.
But I did get a 44 ounce Diet Dr. Pepper afterwards. I swear, Sears Portrait Studio is trying to emulate the Sahara.
Oh, and the Black Friday deal I mentioned in my title? Not much to say there, I don't do the big crowds at midnight BF shopping...."sleep" is MY BF deal...but I do enjoy stores that give the same deals in store and online, and thanks to Old Navy, at 12:04am on BF, I ordered 2 pairs of jeans and a plaid wool peacoat for a total of $55, free shipping. Retail value? (yes, you have stepped into the Price is Right twilight zone) - $34 per pair of jeans, $59 for coat. I saved the ridiculously awesome amount of $72. HOT FREAKIN DAMN.
All in all, I think it's shaping up to be a decent week.
I had a quiet Tgiving. Good for me, good for us. Maggie was COMPLETELY off her schedule this past 4 day weekend - a crankapotamus. Lots of screeching. It's frustrating for us, and when I get overwhelmed by her behavior, I try to take a minute to think of it from her perspective - how scary must it be to be upset with something and have to internalize it. I probably would screech and cry a lot, too.
That being said, it was a long 4 days and I wasn't exactly sad to see her go back to school on Monday. She NEEDS that structure every day - Nick even said part of the reason he felt Florida this past Nov was such a disaster was because she didn't have anything to do. It's easy for us adults to enjoy "doing nothing", but for a kid, it's torture, and for a kid who thrives on structure, it's pretty much hell on earth. So, needless to say, I tried to plan "activities" for us to do at home (since we all were suffering from some stuffy noses) but it still doesn't compare to the structured things she does in school.
This week? We are ALL happier. School is back in session, routines are back on track. Noses are still stuffy, but we all survive.
In other news, we took Maggie to Sears to get Christmas portraits done earlier this week. I was having intense anxiety about this, going so far as to google, "intravenous alcohol therapy" (fyi, there's nothing out there on this subject. YET). We had gotten professional pics taken of all of us earlier in the fall, which came out fabulouso - it's much easier to do action shots with a rapid shutter than to do a "sit here and tip your head 27 degrees to the left. These were more of a...well...I can't say much more as to why we did it but regardless...
They. Went. WELL.
Not perfect - there are some shots where she has that vacant autism stare into space look, but we got more than 1 decent shot. Without much aggravation, if any. I can't even begin to tell you how relieved I was. I pulled out all the stops in my mama arsenal I brought snacks. Lots of snacks. Sugary snacks that I know she will eat (health be damned for the next 2 hours). I changed her when we got to the mall, just in case. And, most of all, I have to thank the Ipod Touch and the Ipad.
God Bless the Ipad.
Maggie LOVES playing Tozzle on either the ipod or the ipad. It calms her, it makes her happy - I've noticed when she is frazzled or overstimulated, giving her this to play kind of brings her back into her equilibrium zone. She focuses only on the ipad, tunes everything else out, and in 15 or so minutes, she is a much happier, calmer kid. I don't like to let her play endlessly with either item - I'm afraid of her becoming a computer zombie, frankly, but in small doses, this is just the ticket.
She was able to play in the waiting area as long as she wanted (while eating these gross sugary strawberry jam cookies. Hey, she was happy). Then, when we got into the photo room and she was in position, I put Yo Gabba Gabba on, cued up in advance to this certain part that I KNOW she will crack up at, and held it directly above the camera. Thankfully, it worked and we got some great smiley shots. Not at all perfect - Vanity Fair won't be knocking down our door, this year, at least, but it was infinitely less painful then expected. No alcohol was necessary.
But I did get a 44 ounce Diet Dr. Pepper afterwards. I swear, Sears Portrait Studio is trying to emulate the Sahara.
Oh, and the Black Friday deal I mentioned in my title? Not much to say there, I don't do the big crowds at midnight BF shopping...."sleep" is MY BF deal...but I do enjoy stores that give the same deals in store and online, and thanks to Old Navy, at 12:04am on BF, I ordered 2 pairs of jeans and a plaid wool peacoat for a total of $55, free shipping. Retail value? (yes, you have stepped into the Price is Right twilight zone) - $34 per pair of jeans, $59 for coat. I saved the ridiculously awesome amount of $72. HOT FREAKIN DAMN.
All in all, I think it's shaping up to be a decent week.
Thursday, November 24, 2011
Sometimes it's hard to be thankful.
Don't get me wrong. There are a ton of things I am thankful for when it comes to Maggie. She's happy, healthy, strong...
And then there are the times when I can't help but be sucked into that deep, dark, black cesspool of feeling sorry for myself.
Tonight I had that moment. Tried to ignore it, was successful for a short period of time, then, as always, it seeped back in when I was alone (well...when I was alone with Nick discussing it).
We have an 8 month old niece, and at today's thanksgiving dessert, she was very articulately pointing at things. "oh this is a new thing she does!" sis in law explained, proudly. Everyone oohed and ahhed.
Maggie is three. Pointing? Is a skill listed in her iep. One we are having a hard time teaching her.
And niece is doing it at 8months.
I know everyone has their cross to bear. I know everyone has their hardships and, in the grand scheme of things, I really haven't had any earth shattering ones.
But...join me in my cesspool...I did say I'm riding the pity train right now.
Why me. Why her. Why us.
I wish pointing was her new thing, too.
And then there are the times when I can't help but be sucked into that deep, dark, black cesspool of feeling sorry for myself.
Tonight I had that moment. Tried to ignore it, was successful for a short period of time, then, as always, it seeped back in when I was alone (well...when I was alone with Nick discussing it).
We have an 8 month old niece, and at today's thanksgiving dessert, she was very articulately pointing at things. "oh this is a new thing she does!" sis in law explained, proudly. Everyone oohed and ahhed.
Maggie is three. Pointing? Is a skill listed in her iep. One we are having a hard time teaching her.
And niece is doing it at 8months.
I know everyone has their cross to bear. I know everyone has their hardships and, in the grand scheme of things, I really haven't had any earth shattering ones.
But...join me in my cesspool...I did say I'm riding the pity train right now.
Why me. Why her. Why us.
I wish pointing was her new thing, too.
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Gobble gobble, I'm thankful for...
With Thanksgiving tomorrow, I figured I should do the obligatory, "I'm thankful for..." post. It's so....SO...easy to forget the good things and dwell on the bad. And when it comes to ASD, it's ridonkulously easy to fall into a feeling sorry for yourself spiral.
That's something I struggle with on a daily basis. There are some days that I really can coexist with autism. And then, there are Other Days.
Lately, I've been in a stretch of optimistic coexistence. With the exception of vacation a few weeks ago where all hell broke loose with The Schedule, I can coexist. I can even do it with a smile on my face. Imagine that.
So, keeping with that healthy optimism, I'd like to list a few things that I am thankful for, in the hopes that on those difficult days, I can look back. By no means is this an exhaustive list...but just what's in the brain right now.
1. Maggie's school. Yesterday I was lucky enough to help out at the school's Thanksgiving Dinner for the kids. Most of the classes went into the cafeteria and had a turkey dinner with all the trimmings. Not only was this delicious and a treat for the kiddos, it taught them social behaviors to use during the real Tgiving. I loved seeing all the kids, the teachers, and the staff get a treat, and tried to do everything I could to ease some of the "work" off of their shoulders. The biggest perk? Seeing the principal get her hands into serving and cleaning up too. Call me crazy, but I thought it was phenomenal to see the principal do everything right along there with us. She showed she wasn't "above" or "better then" anyone else. I didn't expect that. The staff was so appreciative of our help, and the general overall focus of the school just warms my heart. Maggie had a tough time adjusting to the noise in the cafeteria (and her mama not being 100% dedicated to her) so there were a good amount of tears. Her teacher snuggled her, rubbed her back, held her, and was so affectionate with her, which is what Maggie needs to get herself back to her equilibrium. I, like normally, was overcome with emotion and gratitude that we are lucky enough to be placed in this environment. The conversation I had with the principal afterwards (in which I cried like a toolbox) just solidified the fact that god puts us in places, physically and emotionally, for a reason. She told me how much joy her job brings her, how she loves it here, and how it's no coincidence everyone on that staff feels the same way. The other PTA parents I met, the other teachers, everyone was so optimistic and awesome. It's easy to get lost in doom and gloom in ASD. But not in this school.
2. Cardigans and scarves. God, I love them.
3. My family. They're not perfect. They're not normal. But when I need rallying around my girl, or myself, they're there with a smile on their faces. That's more, so much more, than I could ever ask for.
4. New friends. I met another mom in Maggie's class a few weeks ago, and we reconnected like mofos. Meaning, she is just as awesome as I am (::smug::). Finally, someone who truly gets it. It's like finding water in a desert.
5. My job. The staff, particularly my boss, is beyond accommodating. Whenever there's a school event, a dr appointment, therapy sessions, she makes it happen for me without penalty or guilt. It's well worth the long commute. I tell them that I'll be there for 30+ years. And I will.
6. Loft. Such. Cuteness. At that store.
And, most of all...
7. My Maggie. She knows way more than I will ever know. She teaches me so much every day. Every parent wants their child to change the world. I know my daughter will. She already has changed mine, and the worlds of anyone she meets. It's hard, ASD. It sucks balls sometimes. I can only imagine how much harder it is for her. But she does it, and she does it with a smile. My girl is happy, Lordy, is she ever happy. That's all I really want,for myself, for her. To be happy. Maybe it's not how society thinks "happy" is, but she challenges that notion and teaches us all to be a little more open. There shouldn't be a normal. There should be a unique, a celebration, an individual. She has shown ME that. She scales amazing mountains (and couches...and chairs...and tables...and bookshelves...) and lets me in. This society, I'm not sure I am thankful for all aspects of it. But her? She's going to change society. She is.
Here's to a Happy Thanksgiving filled with mounds of mashed potatoes and stuffing!
That's something I struggle with on a daily basis. There are some days that I really can coexist with autism. And then, there are Other Days.
Lately, I've been in a stretch of optimistic coexistence. With the exception of vacation a few weeks ago where all hell broke loose with The Schedule, I can coexist. I can even do it with a smile on my face. Imagine that.
So, keeping with that healthy optimism, I'd like to list a few things that I am thankful for, in the hopes that on those difficult days, I can look back. By no means is this an exhaustive list...but just what's in the brain right now.
1. Maggie's school. Yesterday I was lucky enough to help out at the school's Thanksgiving Dinner for the kids. Most of the classes went into the cafeteria and had a turkey dinner with all the trimmings. Not only was this delicious and a treat for the kiddos, it taught them social behaviors to use during the real Tgiving. I loved seeing all the kids, the teachers, and the staff get a treat, and tried to do everything I could to ease some of the "work" off of their shoulders. The biggest perk? Seeing the principal get her hands into serving and cleaning up too. Call me crazy, but I thought it was phenomenal to see the principal do everything right along there with us. She showed she wasn't "above" or "better then" anyone else. I didn't expect that. The staff was so appreciative of our help, and the general overall focus of the school just warms my heart. Maggie had a tough time adjusting to the noise in the cafeteria (and her mama not being 100% dedicated to her) so there were a good amount of tears. Her teacher snuggled her, rubbed her back, held her, and was so affectionate with her, which is what Maggie needs to get herself back to her equilibrium. I, like normally, was overcome with emotion and gratitude that we are lucky enough to be placed in this environment. The conversation I had with the principal afterwards (in which I cried like a toolbox) just solidified the fact that god puts us in places, physically and emotionally, for a reason. She told me how much joy her job brings her, how she loves it here, and how it's no coincidence everyone on that staff feels the same way. The other PTA parents I met, the other teachers, everyone was so optimistic and awesome. It's easy to get lost in doom and gloom in ASD. But not in this school.
2. Cardigans and scarves. God, I love them.
3. My family. They're not perfect. They're not normal. But when I need rallying around my girl, or myself, they're there with a smile on their faces. That's more, so much more, than I could ever ask for.
4. New friends. I met another mom in Maggie's class a few weeks ago, and we reconnected like mofos. Meaning, she is just as awesome as I am (::smug::). Finally, someone who truly gets it. It's like finding water in a desert.
5. My job. The staff, particularly my boss, is beyond accommodating. Whenever there's a school event, a dr appointment, therapy sessions, she makes it happen for me without penalty or guilt. It's well worth the long commute. I tell them that I'll be there for 30+ years. And I will.
6. Loft. Such. Cuteness. At that store.
And, most of all...
7. My Maggie. She knows way more than I will ever know. She teaches me so much every day. Every parent wants their child to change the world. I know my daughter will. She already has changed mine, and the worlds of anyone she meets. It's hard, ASD. It sucks balls sometimes. I can only imagine how much harder it is for her. But she does it, and she does it with a smile. My girl is happy, Lordy, is she ever happy. That's all I really want,for myself, for her. To be happy. Maybe it's not how society thinks "happy" is, but she challenges that notion and teaches us all to be a little more open. There shouldn't be a normal. There should be a unique, a celebration, an individual. She has shown ME that. She scales amazing mountains (and couches...and chairs...and tables...and bookshelves...) and lets me in. This society, I'm not sure I am thankful for all aspects of it. But her? She's going to change society. She is.
Here's to a Happy Thanksgiving filled with mounds of mashed potatoes and stuffing!
Let's try this again, shall we?
I start and stop blogs more often then I delete things from my DVR. It always begins as a great idea, I go with it for a few weeks (ok, ok....DAYS...) and then it drifts away from my view and I begin spending the free internet browsing time on TMZ.
We're going to change that, people.
I need an outlet. Here's my outlet.
Background?
Nick and I met in college and got married in 2006. Twas lovely. In 2008 we were blessed with our awesome daughter, Maggie. A month after her second birthday, she was diagnosed with autism.
To answer some questions you will inevitably think of after reading that sentence:
No. I firmly believe it was not caused by vaccines, and yes, knowing what I know now, I still would have gotten her the same vaccines.
No. We didn't see it coming. As new parents, you constantly compare your child's milestones (or lackthereof) to others, and when they aren't sitting up/ babbling/figuring out the value of x by age 1, you worry. Then other people tell you NOT to worry, not to compare, and that each child goes on their own schedule. So, yep, this was a surprise.
No, right now we are not doing a GFCF (gluten free casein free) diet because it doesn't work for us.
Regardless of the (amazing) therapists that have walked into our lives in the past 365+ days, I still consider myself the first and foremost expert on my child, and make decisions based on that. I defer to the medical doctors. I'm not a holistic person, but if you are and it works for your child, I applaud your initiative in doing what is right for your child.
I have a supportive family who may not always "get it", but they try their best. I have a good group of friends, some who get it, some who think they get it (but don't), and some who really don't get it but at least are honest. And I'm ok with all of those groups.
Maggie is currently enrolled in an all day ABA preschool out of district. We're really lucky in that where we live, the school district is very reasonable in what they can and can't offer children of special needs. Maggie's school, teachers, support staff, etc. are AMAZING. With so little things that comfort you in the face of ASD (autism spectrum disorder), the fact that her school gives me peace of mind is huge.
I work fulltime in a public service profession. My husband is a teacher. We both like our jobs, and I have found that my experiences at home with ASD seep into my experiences at work. It further enforces the fact that this all happens for a reason.
So, all that being said...it's time. I'm going to start to blog regularly. Let's see if this makes a liar out of me, shall we?
We're going to change that, people.
I need an outlet. Here's my outlet.
Background?
Nick and I met in college and got married in 2006. Twas lovely. In 2008 we were blessed with our awesome daughter, Maggie. A month after her second birthday, she was diagnosed with autism.
To answer some questions you will inevitably think of after reading that sentence:
No. I firmly believe it was not caused by vaccines, and yes, knowing what I know now, I still would have gotten her the same vaccines.
No. We didn't see it coming. As new parents, you constantly compare your child's milestones (or lackthereof) to others, and when they aren't sitting up/ babbling/figuring out the value of x by age 1, you worry. Then other people tell you NOT to worry, not to compare, and that each child goes on their own schedule. So, yep, this was a surprise.
No, right now we are not doing a GFCF (gluten free casein free) diet because it doesn't work for us.
Regardless of the (amazing) therapists that have walked into our lives in the past 365+ days, I still consider myself the first and foremost expert on my child, and make decisions based on that. I defer to the medical doctors. I'm not a holistic person, but if you are and it works for your child, I applaud your initiative in doing what is right for your child.
I have a supportive family who may not always "get it", but they try their best. I have a good group of friends, some who get it, some who think they get it (but don't), and some who really don't get it but at least are honest. And I'm ok with all of those groups.
Maggie is currently enrolled in an all day ABA preschool out of district. We're really lucky in that where we live, the school district is very reasonable in what they can and can't offer children of special needs. Maggie's school, teachers, support staff, etc. are AMAZING. With so little things that comfort you in the face of ASD (autism spectrum disorder), the fact that her school gives me peace of mind is huge.
I work fulltime in a public service profession. My husband is a teacher. We both like our jobs, and I have found that my experiences at home with ASD seep into my experiences at work. It further enforces the fact that this all happens for a reason.
So, all that being said...it's time. I'm going to start to blog regularly. Let's see if this makes a liar out of me, shall we?
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